Why I Miss My Gym

Or Not …

William Sundwick

Virginia advanced to “Phase 3” re-opening more than two weeks ago. But, yes, cases of COVID-19 are still rising in the state. My local gym has posted a sign: “We’re Open!” (at 75 per cent capacity). Masks are not required for gyms, and only this week was an enforcement mechanism announced for the mask requirement and social distancing anywhere in the state – unannounced visits by state inspectors.

Why would any 73-year-old man, like me, want to return to his regular gym workout routine under such circumstances? The rational answer is certainly, “No reason, it would be dumb!”

The desire to return to “normal” – meaning old habits – is strong, indeed. And, each week when I weigh myself, noting the inexorable gain, and each day that I fill those hours I spent at the gym with some other activity (usually reading, or ordering grocery deliveries online), I feel the pang of loss. But the gym was boring, too, right? I had long ago given up the project of making a social outlet of my low-budget gym. There was no prospect of that succeeding. So, what is it, really, that I miss?

I miss my music. But my iTunes playlists are still on my phone. There is nothing stopping me from listening to those great dancing, heart-rate-exciting, tunes while exercising at home, or even NOT exercising at home! Is it the equipment in the gym that I miss? I have no equipment at home except for arm weights and a medicine ball. But a quick Google search reveals many hits for “exercising at home without equipment” – I can easily develop a cardio-intensive routine from those, it seems.

So, what is stopping me? Has the desire to return to normalcy overtaken the more prudent response of planning for a “new normal?” Indeed, my wife will continue her telecommuting routine indefinitely – she is always home, no need for me to fill empty slots in my day. It’s almost as if we were both retired.

Except for one glaring difference. There is no place to go on a regular basis!

That must be it. Not my music, not the gym equipment, certainly not the eerie lack of social interaction amid all the sweaty bodies at the gym. No, it is the simple fact that the gym was a place to go four times a week, for a forty-minute-plus stretch, then home, shower, change clothes. Such a captivating routine it was!

I have begun practicing a promising no-equipment cardio workout. Eventually, I may make it to the entire 50 reps for the whole two sets – an ambitious goal, for sure. I may need to scale back for age (jumping jacks really get me winded). I could even listen to my music once I get comfortable. Then, I will check if weight control is a secondary benefit. If so, drive another nail into the coffin of my old gym routine. Plus, I still have my daily 2.5 to 3-mile walks getting me out of the house and accumulating those 10,000 Fitbit steps.

Keeping the coronavirus away, and adding these new routines, may yet get me to 100, my oft-stated goal. If only I was more outdoorsy – I could then also derive pleasure from driving to other outdoor places that my neighborhood walks can’t take me. That would constitute such a lifestyle change, though, to be a bridge too far!

Compared with working parents worried about balancing their paychecks against getting the coronavirus, or whether their kids will even have school in a few short weeks, missing my gym workouts is surely a “first world problem.”

How Long Can I Last?

Getting Used to the Pandemic

William Sundwick

We are gradually re-opening. Phase 2 has begun. Chances are good that I can soon get an appointment at my local Hair Cuttery. Heck, if I wanted to, I bet I could go to my gym again starting this weekend.

It’s been nearly three months of pandemic quarantine in Northern Virginia. Long enough for old routines to be replaced by new ones. Long enough for me to become quite familiar with grocery delivery services and literally everything else I need or want in my day-to-day life, all available with “contactless delivery.”

The new routines have become so comfortable, in fact, that I’m in no hurry to return to the Before Times. And, nobody in my life is encouraging me to jump back in. Kids and wife all urge caution. Perhaps my previous life was not so dependent on getting out, anyway. I’m more concerned with weight gains from gym withdrawal than any social deprivation; more concerned about my car battery dying from sitting in the driveway than from the absence of driving pleasure (despite having just bought a new car in September).

And, loneliness is not a problem since my wife works from home. I know not everyone’s life is so well-situated. I gather there are serious class divides, not to mention personality constraints, that determine how well people can cope with quarantine fatigue. As always, I must “check my privilege” here.

Some adaptations I’ve made in my admittedly favorable circumstances as a retired, high risk, 73-year-old man are these:

•          Daily neighborhood walks are now enjoyed in company of my wife, after she goes “off the clock” late in the day – a new opportunity for some companionship. We’ve altered some of my standard routes on account of crowded trails or difficult topography. 
•          Doing our own housecleaning has been required since maid service was suspended during the quarantine. I’m not very good at this, but doing some things occasionally feels like mastery.
•          Discovery of grocery delivery services – Amazon Fresh, Instacart, Peapod, our favorite bakery. I had not been aware of this world previously but, indeed, you have always been able to get delivery of most things. It is contactless but I often leave an extra tip in an envelope taped to door. Delivery is getting easier now as more time slots are available. I try not to think about crossing picket lines for Amazon and Instacart drivers, who have been trying to strike.
•          Podcast listening times have changed somewhat – no longer during neighborhood walks or gym workouts -- but quite compatible with my typical Internet cruising routine during my wife’s workday. I still cannot combine listening to a podcast with reading a book, however.
  
•           One thing I do miss is my music library. That was previously reserved for listening while at the gym. I have not found another convenient time where my collection of rock, blues, and folk gives me the same biofeedback or physical/emotional charge as during gym workouts. Since I am not sure when I will return to the gym, I have some incentive to find another good music environment.
•       Speaking of my gym, I have noticed weight up about five pounds over this quarantine period – vigorous exercise, mostly cardio with some back strengthening, apparently was also a weight control strategy. Yet, gyms are high-risk indoor environments and I still await guidance. Surely, I won’t return until Phase 2 is well-established (gyms only at 30 per cent capacity, with no backsliding in new cases). Investment in home exercise equipment remains a dubious endeavor. 

In addition to these adaptations, there have been some non-routine experiences. I learned to give myself a haircut (after a fashion); with extra begging, my wife does the back of my head. It looks reasonable! I have ventured out, occasionally, to the post office, pharmacy, or local hardware store. Post office and pharmacy were fine (masks required), but the hardware store with its narrow aisles and many customers was somewhat scarier. FaceTime has become the standard means of communication with the grandkids, and my two adult sons as well. Recently, the George Floyd/Black Lives Matter protests came to my neighborhood (finally), and I crafted a sign, walked to the protest site, and mingled with the masked crowd for an hour!

Perhaps the best part of the pandemic quarantine, however, has been deciding what to watch next on television! The entertainment ecosystem has blossomed in recent years – it’s little wonder that movie theaters, even without a pandemic, are having a hard time surviving these days. Subscriptions to streaming services (and cable still in my house!) provide a myriad of choices – quality choices, too! When the latest Hulu series is complete (right now, Little Fires Everywhere), there is yet another queued up in “My Stuff” – or maybe back to HBO for the final season of The Wire, or Netflix, or Prime Video (just finished The Romanoffs there). With such a panoply of late-night entertainment, including snacks and nightcaps, there is conceivably no limit to how long I can last!

Am I Old Yet?

An Update

William Sundwick

Warp & Woof has seen other pieces about getting old. It seems I owe the reader an update from time to time. I am now mid-way through my fifth year of retirement.

I wouldn’t contest the rationale for my exit from the Library of Congress after 42 years – the decision was a sound one, backed by sound reasoning. The retirement adventure began with excitement and enthusiasm in 2015. I was getting out before I got old. This was good. The first thing I noticed was what an incredible relief it was to sleep in every morning. (I am not a lark by nature, but an owl.)

As time passed, the distance increased from the institution I had served for the bulk of my life. I went back only once, within the first year after retiring – for a tour with our neighbors and their then seven-year-old grandson. He was impressed; me not so much.

By now, I can safely say that I’ve retained absolutely no knowledge of the things which qualified me for my highest-level position, and my status at the Library. It’s telling that I’ve written only one post in Warp & Woof about anything I learned from a career at the Library of Congress!

My wife’s situation is different. She still works there, in an analogous position to mine. We’ve discussed her retirement decision process using the same criteria I used in making my 2014 decision. It doesn’t work for her, since she has something I lacked – deep personal friendships with some of her colleagues. Even Facebook friends carried over from work are now fading from my active interest. Apparently, my professional life was rather shallow compared to hers.

My credo is “don’t look back” – that 42-year career is no different from my ancient childhood memories of growing up in Flint, Michigan. Nothing is forever.

Other social outlets have become suitable substitutes for whatever I lost from my professional relationships at the Library. There’s church, community, and my Writers’ Group. Then, there are my kids – and grandkids – all local still!

I am also fortunate that no major health concerns have emerged (yet). I find that good habits regarding fitness and diet do seem to pay dividends. Practicing good habits is the best way to do maintenance as we get older, even if gym memberships don’t necessarily constitute social engagement.

While some interests from earlier phases of life (even the first couple of post-retirement years) have waned – sex, cars, and computer/software geekery among them – others have emerged, like politics, philosophy, and popular music, seen as art. I feel my mind is still active; I read lots, listen to podcasts, and continue to write for this blog. I am immensely grateful for time spent with my two sons, and the grandkids. Babysitting is a joy!

So, when do I get old? Could it be when I become more absorbed with my legacy than my life? I don’t spend much time with that perennial question: “Will anybody miss me when I’m gone?” Ultimately, it doesn’t matter since I won’t be here to know. And memories are different from “missing” someone, anyway. But we do all have legacies.

I suspect mine will be divided between the concrete legacy (financial, educational, values transmitted to offspring) and the abstract legacy (impact on strangers and unborn generations). I can see evidence of the concrete legacy every day, but the abstract variety is more elusive. The latter might make me wonder what I was doing for 42 years at one of the world’s foremost cultural institutions. Screw it! Hardly anybody deserves the privilege to worry about those things, right? I’m not ready yet to spend time justifying my legacy, either variety, as “good.” Leave that for others to judge.

So, if I’m not old yet because I don’t worry about my legacy, am I maybe starting to get tired? The answer is both yes and no. As noted above, sleep is a motivator -- perhaps even more now than five years ago? But when awake I can usually still engage in lively conversation on any number of issues. I believe I have no difficulty getting people to understand what I’m saying. People, in general, are never tiresome – although my grandchildren can be very tiring!

A final indicator of being old might be the role dreams play in my life. Are they still there? I must confess to a “new boredom” at times. Much of what sparked my imagination in times past only elicits a “meh,” or yawn, now. Perhaps I need to find new emotional stimuli? Cultural conditioning is a constraint here in my response to art. I always look to younger folks (like my kids) for help in this area. Millennials are still the best interlocutors for art appreciation.

Whether I decide to define myself as old or not, there remain the Erik Erikson developmental stages of life. I am now wrestling with stage 8, “Integrity vs. Despair” – working full-time on the complete integration of my personality. This is the final act. I’m waiting only for stage 9, the hypothetical one suggested just before the Eriksons’ deaths, where everything rewinds back to the beginning!

I should be asking myself if there is anyone I missed – any debts I still owe? Are there still some opportunities to exploit? And, if I’m truly old, I need to start prioritizing what to do with the time left. Should I start leaving Post-It notes? “But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep” – Robert Frost.

  How I Hate My Gym

Let Me Count the Ways

William Sundwick

I’ve been a member at my gym for ten years. I faithfully follow a 4-day, 160-minute per week cardio workout routine. And, I added back-strengthening equipment two or three times each week (anticipating carrying around a grandchild).

It’s so damned boring!

How did I fall into this habit, anyway? Who convinced me? How do I measure success? Do I get anything from it?

First, I blame my doctor. He told me, in unvarnished language, that my family history put me in a high-risk category for heart disease. I couldn’t argue. I was 60. My job entailed a lot of walking around the Capitol Hill campus of the Library of Congress, but otherwise no exercise. Even with my cholesterol and blood pressure chemically controlled, he was not confident of my viability. Somehow, I convinced him that my diet was not overloaded with animal fats. So, physical activity was the only preventative therapy left. It would likely bring weight loss, too. That appealed to me. He has continued to encourage me ever since – to my chagrin.

Then, there was my wife. As we celebrated our Silver wedding anniversary in 2008 with a vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains, it dawned on me that I wanted to keep this going much longer. The prospects might well depend on what I did to take care of myself. She agreed – and, promised to support me with her own exercise regime. Together we searched for an amenable, convenient fitness center – there weren’t quite as many in our neighborhood back then. When a new one opened, within walking distance of our house, we thought it worth a try (although we didn’t ever walk there). We’ve been there ever since. It falls into the “budget” category – few bells and whistles, no classes, no pool, or other things like that. Low risk. When I retired, and she continued working, our workout schedules diverged. Otherwise, it has remained a joint activity. We compare notes.

Retirement. That was a life change. I felt renewed. It’s possible that my decision was influenced in part by the greater confidence I now had because of my gym. I had dropped twenty-five pounds within a year-and-a-half of joining – and, kept it off, without changing in my diet. Admittedly, I had been eagerly anticipating sleeping in; but, still, the retirement that looked good before I left continued to feel good afterwards. I was 67, but felt like 57, and I’d put in my Civil Service Retirement System maximum of 41 years, 11 months. I could retire with 80 per cent of my “high three” salary average. I felt I had an edge over those who waited until poor health slowed them down. I would go while still able-bodied.

Fitness remained part of my plan. I would make up for lost steps at work by taking regular neighborhood walks, mapping alternate routes that all led to my Fitbit-required 10,000 steps per day. I settled on a health club routine of 160 minutes of moderate cardio exercise each week – elliptical, bike, treadmill. (the treadmill eventually disappeared, for the same reason I can’t run – my feet). That has been the routine ever since. Without a requirement to be in an office for eight-and-a-half hours five days a week (working from home was never permitted in my job), allocating the time for workouts was easy.

Two problems did arise with my gym routine, however. The first, doing the same thing day-in and day- out got very tedious. And, second, after my initial eye-popping weight loss, how could I measure further improvements in my health and fitness? I learned to deal with the first problem, with the help of my beloved iTunes playlists and my affinity for the banal – a legacy from my working days, I suspect.

It was the second issue that caused the greatest concern. For those ambitious souls who have fitness goals, there are apps which track their progress (my Fitbit app could do some of this, too) – but, my only goal was to stay healthy, feel good, and live to 100! The only way to measure its impact would be to stop, then see what happens. That seemed too drastic an experiment – especially as I became more invested in my workout routine.

Eventually, I accepted that my current mental state was fine and there wasn’t really anything else I would rather do with the blocks of time I spent at the gym. How sad is that? Sometimes, it even seems like stopping would signal “defeat” – this is who I am now! I’ve convinced myself that I owe my loved ones as much active lifespan as I can possibly deliver. Is this some peculiar facet of narcissism?

One other potentially awkward side effect of an old man (now 70) feeling healthy and vigorous, even youthful, is his libido. Yes, I’ve noticed attractive young women at the gym. That increase in confidence from new-found fitness has occasionally caused humility to give way to friskiness!  The awkwardness here is more laughable than humiliating, or demeaning, I hope. I am still a gentleman – even when embarrassed.

Some gyms make efforts to encourage socialization. Perhaps not those in the “budget” category, though. Bare-bones memberships do not include many social contact opportunities. My gym most likely would not be a draw for the young single crowd -- unless they were serious about their workouts, of course. I’m basically a social animal, however. What do I make of the eerie solitude of my routine? Ear buds, listening to my favorite music, prevent me from hearing any conversations, yet I see the same faces every day. But, there is no incentive or mechanism to interact with them. It’s beginning to bother me. Who are these people? Shouldn’t there be some way I can “break the ice” – without appearing to be “coming on” to anybody?

I may make social contact at the gym a project.

Everybody seems bored, though. That includes the staff at the desk. It must be even worse for them than for us members – they put in long hours doing very little except answering the phone, cleaning up, and occasionally showing new prospective members around. Little wonder I can’t get any inspiring conversation started with them. Disclaimer: some interviews for this piece have been fruitful. Perhaps they’ll give me feedback post-publication?

Despite the reasonable goal of wanting to socialize more, from the few times I have managed to overhear conversations on the floor, or in the men’s locker room, I must say, I’m not sure what I can do for these people. Is there anything they want from me? I wonder.

So, you get what you pay for in health club membership. Perhaps the low end of the market shouldn’t be expected to provide everything. Still, it’s always interesting to see what you can get out of any social situation. Push it, just like you push your body with your workout! The casualness and minimum hassle of my gym must be worth something.

Apparently, many people pay for health club memberships, more than what I pay, and don’t use them. That seems even stranger than my situation – I use mine! Both my wife and I continue our budget membership, continue to complain, but continue to faithfully attend. It must fit our lifestyles. We persist, she on her early evening schedule, me during the day. And “the beat goes on.”