How Much Does a 4-Year-Old Know?

Well, At Least My Grandson …

William Sundwick

He does love to talk! From the moment his dad dropped him off Friday afternoon, duffel bag stuffed with changes of clothes and toys, until we took him back home Sunday afternoon, it was nonstop conversation! (Except after 9:00 P.M. Friday and Saturday nights.)

Four-year-old Owen got to spend the weekend with his grandparents, while his parents celebrated their wedding anniversary on the Maryland Eastern Shore. It was a new experience for grandpa and grandma “G.G.” Baby sister Mira was farmed out to the other set of grandparents.

Speech in children develops in interesting ways. Owen has always been a talker (like his dad at that age?) and seems to have modeled both parents. His grammar, including tense, use of pronouns, gender and number, all fit proper contemporary adult speech patterns. This has been developing for a while. Owen now seems to have even mastered verbal punctuation: exclamation points, question marks, commas for independent phrases, are all apparent in his oral arguments.

Somehow, he has also learned unique speech mannerisms that I must say I’ve never heard in other children. He habitually introduces a statement when others are speaking, even when talking to him, saying “Excuse Me!”– whether interrupting or not. Statements of fact are often preceded by “Actually,” as though he is providing surprising new information to his listener. Still evident in his conversation is his favorite interrogative from toddlerhood, “why?” This is typically a stand-alone sentence, neither preceded nor followed by any context – it’s been his favorite signal that he wants to continue the conversation, at least since he was two. He is seeking explanation.

Lately, Owen has also exhibited awareness of pop culture. This goes beyond speech mannerisms into real shared experiences with his parents and friends at “school” (their accepted name for the licensed family daycare facility down the street where he’s been since infancy). Action and characters from the Lego Movie, and Star Wars, are an integral part of his world. Marvel comics are now creeping in as well.

Would a more formal pre-K program enrich him more? He won’t be entering Kindergarten until he is almost six, due to his November birthday. His parents have discussed pre-K, but apparently rejected it, so far. His dad and uncle both had formal pre-school at Owen’s age or earlier. But I must say his language skills haven’t suffered!

What does Owen learn from observation? Where do his interests take him? At four, nature is the biggest draw. He notices the earth, soil, rocks, bugs. He helps Mom with her vegetable garden. He notices trees in the woods as well as people’s yards. And animals! He loves not only reptiles and dinosaurs, but everybody’s pets (he doesn’t have one of his own) and his favorite books are about wild animals, sea life, and dinosaurs. Owen even expresses concern about climate change and fragile ecosystems. He wants to build habitats for animals to “rescue them” from climate change, and thinks that people build “too many factories,” in his words.

Is Owen at a pre-reading level? He can print his name, and knows the alphabet, but familiar story books are memorized, the words aren’t read – including those “chapter” books his parents are collecting for him. He fooled me the other day when he appeared to read word-for-word the text on a page of one of them. But, when I asked him to identify specific words in the line of text, he couldn’t. It was the illustration on the page, and the sequence, that he had memorized.

Videos seem to be the best way to teach him concepts – much of his apparently deep understanding of complex things appear to come from educational videos that he’s shown me online. Some of them are brilliantly produced for preschoolers. Nonfiction children’s books are also a favorite, like D-K picture books, or National Geographic. Much factual knowledge in his interest areas comes from such additions to his home library. His dad loved pictorial reference books when he was Owen’s age, too.

Owen, the builder
Christmas, 2019

Analytical skills, including math and physics, are not yet apparent, except in primordial form, with Owen. The best exercise for this right now is building with Legos. He can now follow the pictorial instructions for small Lego sets by himself – meaning he can identify the pieces shown in the instructions and recognize the patterns of how they fit together. Larger sets still require help from dad, who was an avid Lego builder himself, and remains so today! (I suspect It’s now a stress-reducer, especially as a shared activity with his son.) Owen, so far, seems to limit his math to counting, some simple addition and subtraction, and he is finally beginning to understand gravity and balance when he gets creative in his building projects. But symmetry is now both a mastered concept, and a word in his vocabulary! “See grandpa, I made it symmetrical!” He was correct!

Owen has always been a physical kid, he loves outdoor running, and indoor yoga. He understands the difference between indoor physicality and outdoor physicality. Although, I haven’t been apprised of any interest in team sports yet. Outdoors, whether the terrain is familiar or not, he senses the opportunity to run, not walk, when he sees a path before him. His daycare facility deploys a Cosmic Kids yoga curriculum, and Owen confidently shows us his expertise, including naming poses, the horse pose from the farm “adventure” or the banana pose from the Betsy the Banana video adventure. All adventures begin with the secret Cosmic Kids word: “Namaste.”

His body awareness goes back to toddler days. I believe his mom has always emphasized it (his dad, not so much, if memory serves). He seems to be aware now of some grooming concerns – not just potty routines. He insisted, unprompted, during his weekend with grandparents, that we clip his nails! He instructed grandpa how to give a manicure! He also seems to know when to use a band-aid, and for how long, when he has a scratch or cut on his finger. He can now bathe himself in the tub, although he says he hasn’t had any experience with a shower.

Perhaps the greatest measure of early childhood development, however, is social awareness. Here, Owen, as can be expected, places the heaviest emphasis on his parents. They are the most important people in his life, and it’s critical that he get along with them. He expresses this by obeying their rules, and sometimes by showing genuine concern for their feelings. He seems to sense when his father is anxious, fading into the background as warranted (at least when grandpa is nearby), and I suspect he is at least as considerate toward his mother – I’ve noticed him asking when mommy is coming back, which is more likely than asking when daddy is coming. On the other hand, when confronted by a complex engineering (building) problem, he wants his daddy. Owen seems to see his grandparents as fun, somewhat lax in the rules department, which he works to his advantage – but he’s still amenable to the overall dictum, “when you’re with grandpa and G.G., we make the rules!”

Moving down the hierarchy from parents, Owen’s baby sister Mira (18-months) is becoming a playmate these days. There are competition and territory issues when they both occupy the same space at home – Mira isn’t allowed to play with Owen’s toys – but, generally, they interact well when the activity can be supervised and shared. When we brought Owen home that Sunday, slightly before his parents returned from Maryland with Mira, the first thing Mira did when she arrived was run to Owen and give him a hug! She hadn’t seen him for a whole weekend!

The outer circle of Owen’s world includes friends from “school,” children of his parents’ friends, and fictitious characters from play scenarios. The latter are invariably divided between “good guys” and “bad guys” – each playing a role, usually a function of their identity (policeman, “space guy,” or generic bad guy). Some school friends seem to be influencers as well – there are a couple older (or bigger?) boys at the daycare center. But I learned that “Logan is a troublemaker” – why? “Because Miss Eymy said so.”  So much for influencers.

As Owen relates his social experiences to grandpa, I can’t help but wonder if any of it portends a primal morality – or is it merely reflecting conflict? I haven’t heard Owen say anything about “fairness.” He seems to have all his needs met – for now! Neither can I see him parroting any sense of injustice from his parents, either. They seem to have their needs met, too. What am I missing?

Puzzlemaster Owen: two 48-piece puzzles all by himself!

  

Crossing Imaginary Borders

Subtle Transition from Toddler to Preschooler

William Sundwick

He’s three now.

Birthdays are getting to be old hat for my grandson, who is learning to take them in stride. The calendar is still a fuzzy concept though. When asked at his party on Saturday, “when is your birthday, Owen?” his reply was “ummm.” I think he didn’t know or understand that it wasn’t until the following Monday, two days away. He knows about changing seasons:  it’s Fall because of the leaves changing color and falling to the ground, Winter comes next, when it’s “Colddd!” – but since we had an early snowfall a few days before, which melted, it must mean we already had Winter?

The idea of years is still unknown to Owen. Not long ago, during an excursion to the local elementary school playground, when Mom told him that the adjacent building would be his school when he gets to kindergarten, he explained to all of us later, “I’m going to kindergarten!” But, when? For several days, his favorite refrain was “I want to go to kindergarten.”

His answer on Saturday to the question, “how old are you, Owen?” was confident, unhesitating –

“Three!” That was, after all, the number stuck on top of his cake! If his grasp of the calendar is less than precise, his new comfort with himself as agent and actor is quite precise. He now always begins declarative sentences with “I want …”, “I did” or “I’m going to …” He no longer refers to himself in the third person, like he did last year, when declarative statements often began “Owen is …” or “Owen does …” The discovery of “I” is philosophically important.

Developmentally, there is a distinction between looking/hearing/moving and seeing/listening/deliberating. Owen did eagerly show off his very deliberate “exercises” to me on Thanksgiving, learned from his mother. I could duplicate only some of the stretching myself! He is clearly more agile at three than his grandpa is at 71.

He looks around trying to find what to do next but seems more attuned to revisiting the familiar (at our house, at least) than exploring the unfamiliar. Repetition of play behavior associated with us is the most likely trigger, either at our house or his.

Conversation is an art Owen is still developing. He hears what you say, and frequently parrots it back (including new words), but there is less evidence that he is listening and processing a response. He retains his favorite response to any statement, as he has for some time: “Why?” Retorts with this interrogative are what pass for conversation – and, it does have its charm. Mostly, however, we listen while he talks.

According to his dad, Owen is also showing signs of another aspect of Self – he is beginning to lie! He apparently can code what statement or which answer is most likely to get him what he wants and supplies those words. Regardless of whether they are objectively true, even to Owen.  I encountered an example when babysitting at his house the day after his party. “I have to go potty!” said O., “Okay, do you want to use the big potty or the little one?” (i.e., the regular toilet or the portable “Lil’ Loo” toddler training potty in his room). His choice, ”the little one”.  We go upstairs to his room, “all done!” “Okay, let’s go in the bathroom and wash your hands,” moving next door expecting him to follow, his answer, “Daddy says I don’t have to wash my hands when I use the little potty” – “Oh?” seemed reasonable only for a preschooler who knew he didn’t soil his hands anyway, and didn’t understand the need to take more time from play. Dad confirmed later, it was a lie! 

Owen relates to others as you might expect. Most people in his life are there to pay attention to him and serve him. The only noteworthy exception is his baby sister Mira, now three months old. She doesn’t seem to owe him anything. Perhaps she’s still enough of a novelty to be entertaining for Owen. But everybody else must respond to his commands, “Watch me!” or “Play with me!” Oddly, one of the hallmarks of his toddler assertiveness, “Me do it!” has given way to “You do it …” – is it laziness? Or, more likely, impatience with skills already mastered? He will watch, to see if he can learn more, especially small motor tasks, like operating a screwdriver, but is less likely now to have the patience to perform a task himself. Sometimes, he almost takes pride in saying “I broke it!” so that he can then demand, “Fix it, grampa!”

Play-acting has remained one of his favorite activities for some time. He will be a monster, a dinosaur, a bear, or a pet. Something that can roar or make animal sounds. Often, he plays the role of a worker “man” (fill in the job, followed by “-man”). Having a job seems to be rewarding for him.

Whether animal or worker, he’s usually aware that he is play acting. He doesn’t really believe he is that character. Even when playing with toys, or building with blocks, he frequently slips into the play-acting mode (he’s a monster and smashes the house he’s made with blocks, or a “package man” who drives a toy truck to the opposite side of the room to make a “delivery”). Indeed, play-acting seems to capture his imagination more than engineering. When he builds with Duplo blocks, his buildings

often have no doors or windows, but are simply enclosures for a toy vehicle (a “garage”), or are towers, whose only purpose is to be as high as possible before tumbling down. Although, he does seem to be aware of the need for “stabilizers” on structures made with blocks, it seems awareness of physics is primordial at best.

Owen’s new favorite word, potentially a replacement for the interrogative, “why?”, is “actually.” The meaning of this preface has clearly been learned from adults (his parents?), and in O’s case it is not intended as a statement of fact. Instead, it denotes rebuttal, or change of mind. Much as “why?” is intended as a conversation starter, “actually” at the opening of a statement is intended as an assertion. Owen is declaring, “now it’s my turn!” So, every sentence begins this way.

Do all these observations of my grandson indicate anything more than that he’s growing up? Probably not, but his new mad skills appear to position him advantageously for entering the pre-school of his choice, any time his parents deem it appropriate. Owen’s mother, however, is a professional early childhood development specialist. And, his father is a highly analytical team-building media professional. The family day care center three doors down their street has been Owen’s comfortable

second home since he was an infant. His parents feel that “Miss Eymy” continues to run a supportive, nurturing, and educational environment for her charges – and, now she can accommodate little Mira, too! Not likely they could find a better setup in the short term. So, at least for another year, the day care arrangement will remain unchanged. It is already Owen’s “school.” He has always called it that, as have his parents. Miss Eymy even regaled him with chocolate cupcake on Monday, for a second birthday party!

Although his dad and uncle were both enrolled by age three in more formal pre-schools, we are but one set of grandparents. This grandfather is willing to grant Owen’s parents more good parenting sense than we ever had. Owen will be fine in his fourth year!

School’s Out!

Even Family Day Care Gets Summer Vacation

William Sundwick

It happens every year. This is Owen’s second summer vacation from the family day care provider in his neighborhood. Grampa and GiGi volunteered to take three days out of the facility’s five-day closure. We played, we napped on the Aerobed in Grampa and GiGi’s bedroom, bought just for Owen. And, then the big event Friday – we got a haircut at the award-winning Westover Barber Shop. They specialize in kids’ haircuts! Topping it all off, we visited the Westover Library and had lunch at the Lost Dog Café.

As he gets bigger, Owen is more confident of his place in the world. He is comfortable with us, our

house, our toys – and, we have now discovered, our neighborhood business district! This was his third haircut at Westover Barber Shop. He already knew the people there. And, he knew the Library and Lost Dog, too! Comfortable, confident, more interested in the truck and bus traffic he saw through the windows than what was happening inside.

But, if there was a lull in the adventure content of what he saw and heard, he made up for it with his active imagination – he became a “trash man,” the toy ambulance was rushing to an “emergency,” Grampa was “sick”! Or, Owen was a “monster,” making gruff roaring sounds.

As soon as he arrived Tuesday morning, the first thing he asked for was “trains” (the Brio collection inherited from the older boy next door when he outgrew them).

Then, thanks to GiGi buying sidewalk chalk for him, we went outside on the patio and drew on the pavers – long, straight lines, rather impressive. Grampa suggested two lines, different colors, equal length, next to one another. Then, the two pull-back vehicles entered the scene – a DRAG RACE! (Credit Grampa’s imagination for that.) it worked. The lifted Hummer beat the Crown Vic police car!

To prove to us that he was a “big boy,” Owen presented no resistance to afternoon naps on that nicely dished out Aerobed, with a full-size pillow (prepped, to be sure, with the requisite two bedtime stories). Like the barber shop, naps were a piece of cake for him – been there, done that!

When comfort begins melting into boredom, Owen easily fills in with his play-acting skills (child development specialists like his mom call this “imaginative play”). Presented with the same toys, the same Brio tracks, the same rooms, that he knows so well, he can make something different happen with them each time. The boredom isn’t in his head – maybe his grandparents? But, Grampa, at least, has no problem letting Owen take the lead, letting those wonderful fantasies go wherever they may.

As engaging as he is now, his life will soon be turned upside down with the arrival of a new baby sister! Owen knows she’s coming – Mommy and Daddy have spent much time talking to him about that. When GiGi mentioned her doctor’s appointment, Owen asked, “Do you have a baby in your tummy?”